Hi ya my one n only still love you with all my heart,head my everything your my everything always have been and you always will be carl,am trying so hard darl,but ano am not doing very well with out you acont tell any one neither cause the only thing keeping me together is people thinking am keeping it together,Id hate the kids to no am falling to bits they no am hurting and am missing you like mad but if the new the full truth it would hurt them to much and there hurting and worrying enough so i cont say r do any thing really just slowlly fall apart untill its to late for anyone to help darl am scared.I cont tell the doctor as you know adont like tablets in what if the think am not fit enough to have cj and take him off me that would totally end it all awant to be with you but a dont want to end up in a nut house pushed away some where what am a going to do carl aneed you darl soso much n am going coz am starting to winge again like a idiot adont even no how to controle that any more so by sweetheart i,ll right again soon a promise i will always love you carl i,ll see you soon darlxxxx me n you 4ever n alwaysxxxx